When imagination comes true, reality becomes a surprise and eventually a celebration. Reality surprises me everyday. I was so used to imagining my baby sleeping beside me, cuddling each other, that now when it is happening, I often have to convince myself that these are the days for which I have waited for so long are finally here. They are no more distant. She melts me every moment.
My daughter – Chirantana
A mother’s realizations
These fleeting moments are my priceless treasure. From the wisdom of many and from the present experience, I realize with each new dawn that Chirantana, my daughter, is growing up fast.
A different me in me
I am bewildered to notice that these moments are unfolding a different me in me. Patience at its zenith; cautious like never before; multitasking has become the way of living.
Now, I know her, for 18 months. 9 months inside me and 9 months in this world outside of me. It is wonderful to witness her developing personality with some traits from her father, some from me and some unique to her.
How she responds
I love the way she responds to me nowadays. Her tiny world consists of her mother, her father and some toys. When she comes up to me crawling, holds my gown (or whatever I am wearing) and expresses (without any word), “pick me up mommy”, my only answer to her then is to hold her tight while closing my eyes and fill her with kisses.
Her laughter and babble are the most soothing music I have ever come across. Whenever I look at her eyes, I stop doing whatever I was doing. Her innocence, those sparks and wonder in her eyes, delight me.
When her dad comes home from work
Every evening, when her dad comes home from work, the excitement I see on her face is beyond expression. She starts crawling as fast as possible to be in her dad’s arms, secure in his warmth and love. A sight that fills me with pride. A woman has the sole power to make this possible. I wish, one day, my Mukto (my daughter’s nickname, which means Free/Pearl. It is up to her to select which meaning she would like to follow. A person with costly pearls or free from material possessions) too will be fulfilled with such a sight.
A cycle – then, now and forever
Other thoughts nowadays that run through my mind are those of my early days. Coincidentally, I am the first child of my parents. I have witnessed my brother’s growing years as well. The days are similar and so are the dreams (dreams of parents). I feel, I have started understanding my mother more after I have become a mother. This is indeed quite a wonderful phase of life, where every emotion is new.
I have started aspiring in a new way. I am approaching life, my career afresh. I would like my daughter to feel that she has a mother who is her strength.
Unbeknownst to life’s insecurities, whenever my daughter is discouraged, I would like her to feel that she has a father who managed to excel in three continents. It is his ambition that first hurled him across the world and then his hard work that helped him to pave his own path all alone and unprotected, unlike her.
One day Chirantana’s world will be much bigger than just two of us. May be on one such day, I will read this post to her over a cup of coffee in a cozy evening. I will tell her that day, we are not the only parents to seek our fortune far from home, and certainly we are not the first. Still, there are times we are bewildered by each mile we have traveled, each meal we have eaten, each person we have known, each room in which we have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond our imagination.